Love is relative, but isn’t fair certainly not in this case. How can anyone love this, it isn’t caring, it isn’t kind. This love isn’t patient or compassionate. This is a cold, erratic mess someone decided we deserved. My sister is not all mine. She has been taken over; her own mind has turned against her. Brianna used to scream, her pain felt real but it was just her mind playing tricks. Schizophrenia will do that to you. I wish my mind was playing tricks, I wish this wasn’t real. Even now writing this I see her face torn, her eyes far away. When interrupted she would lash out, she pushed me in the pool once and it wasn’t in good cheer, no why would a smile be on her face. She would blaze her eyes through my skull or she would hit me for even laughing to loud. My house became a quiet place frequented by periodic screaming matches between her and my parents. Slowly I became quieter, laughing was harder. I didn’t realize this at first but Michaela did, she brought it up in a fight with Brianna once trying to get Brianna to realize what was happening. She thought we were drugging her, she starved herself because of that. My parents lived in denial as long as they could. But then they started pushing her to get help that’s when the yelling started. I was scared for a while, Michaela was very persistent in trying to get Brianna to get help and
Montgomery 2 she was attacked; Brianna tried to strangle her and was brought to the hospital. Through all of this I stood and watched and waited, I tried to calm people down when the fighting was over and done with. Brianna called me her ‘Saving Grace’ why did she have to say that? It makes me feel like a failure, a coward what did I do to save her? I couldn’t even push her to get the help she needed.