coaching for improved performance Essay

Submitted By eallen4u
Words: 1543
Pages: 7

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Catching A Fly Ball
Errica Allen
University of Phoenix
Anita Dorroll
June 16, 2010

Picture a batter standing at home plate, bat in hand raised over her head waiting for the pitcher to release the ball .The [Attach the period to the last word of the sentence, not the first] ball is released [The passive voice is a form of "be" (is) and a participle (released). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Try to use the active voice most often, e.g., the student completed the paper on time. The passive voice version--The paper was completed on time by the student--See eCampus > Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] and goes soaring toward the batter, the batter swings there is a moment of silence at the bat cuts through the air than you [Eliminate second person (you, your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. Use third-person pronouns (he, she, it, they)] hear a loud smack as the ball hits the bat. As the ball soars through the air into the outfield, the center fielder is backing up to catch the ball, he hold out his glove and the ball lands in the grass right behind him [This should be "his." The next word is the subject of the phrase, not "him." "Him" must be an adjective to the subject, so it must be "his"] missing his glove by inches. It could be said that the difference between a " suitable” defensive outfielder and an "exceptional" one lies in the ability to make these difficult catches in the outfield.
According to an article by Jack Stallings, What isn't practiced over and over [Wordiness: doubling a word like this can be effective in speech but is less intensive in writing] , or at least enough, are the tougher, but still basically fundamental fly balls, that [Remove comma before "that" preceding a restrictive phrase (otherwise replace "that" with "which")] require a little extra technique -- the [Doctoral-level comment (also recommended for any academic writer): The preferred usage is the dash without surrounding spaces--it is attached to the words on either side] fly ball in the sun, the usually hard-hit fly ball curving toward the foul line, and the fly ball nearing the fence. These different fly balls present a challenge to outfielders of all ages and degrees of experience [The participle form of "experience" is "experienced"] and should be included [Passive voice] in the outfielders' practice menu as soon as they have mastered the routine fly ball(Stalling [Leave a space before the opening parenthesis] ,2010 [Leave a space after the comma] ). Outfielder is expected [Passive voice] to be able to [Wordiness: Remove "be able to"; the sentence will read more smoothly without it] catch a fly ball and to throw it into the infield. That is pretty [Vague wording--"pretty" is a weak word (old Fifties slang) if used…