School for Adult Learning Students
University of Indianapolis
This experience with conflict has a firsthand involvement of mine. I am born and raised in India. I have got all my education till graduation in the same country along with a work experience of 1.5 years. So, this conflict has a major part of Culture as well. After getting married, I moved to USA with my husband. The new country was fascinating and exciting. As I love decorating home, travelling and cooking, I was enjoying first few months to the fullest. After the newness of the environment reduced and I had to get back to the routine. Being from an open and highly educated family, all of the family members had expectation from me that I will continue my studies. Hence, it was my turn to decide wisely and practically about the situation. This process of decision making was crucial as I faced multiple conflicts with my family. Generally, in India, there is a set pattern of leading life, most of the children pursue some professional degree or they are considered as a not good enough for anything. Also, you are answerable to your parents and some of the relatives. Becoming a graduate is a minimum expectation and for girls/women it is necessary to either be a mother or a working lady. So after marriage either you work and earn or you plan to extend your family. Therefore, in Indian context I was not doing any of these but just being a homemaker. Every time when I used to call my parents, in laws or relatives, they tend to ask me only one question “What you have decided?” I was unable to explain everyone the legal issues involved in my working or continuing education. Therefore, it was a high time for me to think about every opportunity available and other aspects. The main 2 components of the conflict I faced was- 1. Explaining my limitations 2. Decision Making. Another part of the conflict was, me and my husband have plans to go back in coming 3 years. So, it was more difficult to make any commitment.
Conflict Theory- Verbal Aggressiveness:
Moving on further, applying a cognitive theory to the conflict in order to get proper insights about the conflict. According to the theory conflicting parties’ communication is effected by verbal attacks. I think of applying this theory to my issue as it is a best fit. When I was facing this conflict, the main conflicting parties were me and my parents (Including In laws). Sometimes I troubled with myself as well when I could not figure out what to do? I could draw out two main distinguishing factors about the problem – 1. I made some comments on the other party in aggressiveness 2. Sometimes, I doubted my own concept and regretted. During our conversation- me and parents, I always tried to avoid the arguments on same topic, my basic nature of reacting to the conflict is avoidance. Hence, for the first few times I always avoided explanations or reasons from my side that why I am not working or thinking of education. But when the frequency of interaction and forcing to make a decision increased I started explaining my views on it. There were some times when our discussions turned into unpleasant one, but I could not help it. I think, that was the time where I experienced the “Argumentativeness”. My level of avoiding the unpleasant situations were so strong that, I tried cut the topic by not calling at home. Well, none of the situation was helping me as even after avoiding conflicting situations. I always felt uncomfortable and anxious. In my experience whenever I have avoided conflict, I feel the same way, until the conflict does not get resolved I feel unsettled and cannot concentrate on anything. As to avoid conflicting situations, I had stopped calling at homes which brought bitterness in our relationships. My parents had understood that I do not like the thing of bringing the same topic again and again in our