It's nine in the afternoon; January 23rd 1989 - the day before my execution. I was sentenced to death for first degree murder but I’ve been left stray, pent up in this abyss of a cell for the last month. I guess they want the guilt to eat away at my conscience before they finally eradicate me form this planet. It’s a rather cutthroat way of doing things - they’re just as malicious as I am but I guess I deserve it. As these peaceful last few days of my life had gone by, I sat here in this soundless pen reflecting on all the things that had lead up to this moment. All the wondrous, remarkable, ‘life fulfilling’ scriptures I had read at the church in my youth. All the lovely dinners I’ve had at home with my awe-inspiring family. Going outside to frolic with my indefatigable friends and growing up to meet the love of my life - Stephanie Brooks - whom I later kill along with thirty other women. She was my college sweetheart; my shining star who always found a way to brighten my day. Oh, how I loved her beautiful, golden, lustrous shoulder-length hair. She was wealthy, sophisticated and worldly. She was everything I wished I was. If only I could have gotten rid of the darkness that hid beneath the ever changing but now dilapidating masks that I wore, maybe we could have had a future together. If only I could have fought these deleterious demons off sooner, we could have lived a happy life together. But tragically, I can only destroy life; I can't maintain it. Not spending too much time on that, I also think of all the exciting times I've had in my life. The good and exciting times from going to law school by day to by night, luring credulously confiding women into secluded areas where I’d gorge myself in a fiesta of blood while I murder them as people would put it "cold heartedly". Only I didn't have a heart. For if I did, I should feel some remorse...shouldn't I? Another good time was when I defended myself in the murder trial and almost WON! Right after breaking out of prison and continuing my killing spree for another six months, I’d go defend myself in court and almost win. Who else on God's green earth can say that they have done anything even remotely close to as bewildering as what I have done?
Now, some people may think that I'm just a mindless, blood thirsty monster. A fractious, callous, cruel, cold hearted killer with no soul, even from birth but that's not the case. I wasn't always like this nor did I ask to be like this. I'm not in any way saying that I was the victim. I take full responsibility for the horrendous things I've done. It's just that I never wanted to be this way. Everyone has their demons; some more than others and mine were relentless. I was waging constant battles with them and they were winning until one day, the darkness finally consumed me and I finally satisfied this primal urge that I've kept dormant since I was a youth. When I was twenty one years old, I committed murder for the first time. What a horrible feeling it was. Waking up in the morning to realize what I had just committed. The remorseless guilt was almost overwhelming – almost. If I had a soul at the time, it was probably crushed to bits by the corpulent contrition. I swore on that morning that I would never take another person's life again. I don't have that right - Nobody does. I kept the kill a secret; never told a soul and I tried to continue my life as a normal person but soon the monster in me got hungry again and that primal urge grew stronger than ever. I couldn't even put up a fight. Soon, I killed again...Then again and again and again until this monster in me completely took surface and its thirst for blood grew too powerful to resist. The monster in me was finally free from the shackles that I had put on it. My primal urges were no longer embedded with my fantasies for it too was free from my constraint.
I had become a ghoulish hellion. Now that I think about it