Mr. Harris October 4, 2010
Dick’s Last Resort
Upon walking into Dick’s Last Resort in San Antonio, Texas, the hostess told us we had to wait, she had a personal call to make. While standing up front over the next several minutes, a member of my party got hit in the face with a roll. The server who threw it at (not to) him screamed, “Hey! Get your people over here! Y’all wanna sit down or what?!” It was then that I knew I had found one of my new favorite restaurants. We quickly followed the server outside to our table, so as to not get yelled at again. We proceeded to order our first round of shots and Dick’s own special, the “Big Ass Beer,” a forty two ounce pilsner glass of the patron’s choice of draft beers. The combination of a raucous ambiance, great central location, interesting service, cheap drinks, plentiful food, lively décor, and loud music makes Dick’s Last Resort a fun and different environment for a great evening with friends.
The ambiance of Dick’s instantly makes one feel as though they are sitting on their back porch partying with friends. The inside of the restaurant is large, open, bright, and loud. The floors and walls are all wooden, so I can hear echoing of shouts and laughter from across the sprawling floor. I notice that most of the people in the restaurant are wearing white paper hats with various sayings scrawled in black Sharpie across the front. As I peer over my neighbor’s shoulder to try and read the hats behind me, a pair of strong hands grabs either side of my face and forces me to look forward. As I do so, my own hat is placed on my head. While my friends are all bursting into laughter, I remove my hat and discover what is to become my new personal slogan, “Sometimes when I laugh, I pee.” Our server leaves momentarily, sensing my embarrassment. He returns quickly, with yet another round of shots for the table and gives each person a small, laminated sheet of paper with instructions for the drinking game we are apparently now required to play.
The location of Dick’s is part of its charm, and what brings in most of its guests. Dick’s is situated in the middle of the Riverwalk in downtown San Antonio. Small tourist boats pass every three or four minutes, blowing their air horns as they pass. According to our new set of rules, the last person to drink at the sound of the horns has to buy a round not only for our table, but also for our server, who clearly has already been playing this game with some of his tables for most of the day.
The service at Dick’s is interesting: very unlike what one would find anywhere else. Dick’s entire ideal is that the service is supposed to be purposely bad. It started upon entrance, with a hostess who all but ignored us for at least five minutes. When she finally did get off the phone and pay attention to the growing line at the door, she made us carry our own menus and did not even walk us to our table – she made us follow our server. One of the biggest perks of Dick’s service is its expedience. Because they don’t spend much time talking to or schmoozing with most of their tables, they quickly take orders and get the food and drinks to the tables as fast as they can. It is very evident which tables play along well with the staff, as they tend to get doted on the most. At this point, the ladies at the table were definitely starting to lose the drinking game and started getting louder and less inhibited. This was clear by the fact that even though our busboy came to our table and blatantly refused to clear it of the empty bottles, we ladies all found him beautiful, and told him so – in our own way of course. Each time he walked outside or near our table, we broke into song. The Used’s “Earthquake” seemed fitting, stating simply, “Baby I’m not alright when you go, I’m not fine. Please be all mine.” We eventually sand it to him so many times that he not only learned the words to the song, but also sang it back to us each time he