The sound of chitter chatter and chuckling in the chaotic hallway exploded in my head as I stood before my dorm room doom. I flicked my side plait over my shoulder to pretend the exterior noises from anonymous faces swarming around me weren’t intensifying the self-consciousness swirling around inside of me. I don’t do group scenes. I never did really. The noises muffled as my eardrums focused on the creaking screech of the door as I softly opened it. I made a few small Mouse like steps until I slightly passed the room threshold.
As I entered the mediocre room, I spotted a large poster of Zac Efron half naked posing in a natural yet phony way. There wasn’t anything I hated more in this unforgiving universe more than fake people. I love reality as should the rest of this planet but nowadays the closest thing we get to reality is Keeping up with the Kardasians or The Hills or some similar type of garbage. I’ve come to the conclusion that this world no longer has reality, that the whole world is constructed by fake attitudes, beliefs and ideas. I really hate that. I really do.
As I continued to scan across the surprisingly spacious room, I noticed my absent roommate had a novel titled ‘Gone Girl’ composed by the author Gillian Flynn. I had never heard of the book before but the front cover was extremely enticing. I resisted the temptation the pick up the book and instead made my way over to the wooden structured bed in the far right corner of the room. I set down my bag and began to unpack when my roommate made her belated appearance. She walked into the room with a model like, slightly stuck up stride. She jumped rapidly and her face exploded with excitement when she noticed my presence in the room. She must have been overwhelmed by the brightness of my rainbow latex tights and she followed that astonishment with a charming grin. Not the response I’m used to which unsettled me. Before she greeted me I noticed that she attired a similar brown jacket and white lace up shoes that I sighted numerous times on my short trip to my dorm room. She welcomed me with an enthusiastic “hello” but I was too distracted analysing her outfit that I failed to reply for a small moment. I stumbled to project sound out of my mouth and eventually gave a crackly “hh-ii” in return. She introduced herself as Jessica and continued on to inform me about her entire Smith bloodline and pet cats Jasper and Tinkle. I maintained partial eye contact to ensure she didn’t know I was pretending to listen to her constant talking when the only thing I could discuss inside my mind is how strenuous and boring socialising was. I don’t understand how people can take part in socialising all the time. If I’m honest I couldn’t really care about other people’s life. It makes me feel guilty when I have selfish thoughts like that.
While I continued to unpack my scarce belongings and contributed small things to the gradually declining conversation with Joanne I mean Jessica I remembered this time a few years back when my aunty told me something I will never forget. She told me the saying “Be a Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerio’s”. I didn’t quite understand what this saying meant because I would always get distracted by the by how much I loved Fruit Loops and how they came in nearly every colour of the rainbow. I would feel guilty for liking Fruit Loops so much because of the artificial colours used to make them nearly all the colours of the rainbow. I felt guilty when I identified myself as an artificial person. A fake person. Sometimes I wished I could be as colourful as a bowl of Fruit Loops. I wondered whether other people did too. Anyways, I guess I will never know.
I idolised my aunty. Sometimes I wished she was my mother even though she practically was. It makes me feel guilty when I have…