My father bought it on the morning of the day he sadly lost his agonizing battle with cancer. He bought it for me because he knew he wasn’t going to live and be with me and the rest of my family to celebrate my 16th birthday.
He fought this horrible crippling disease with the most courage I have ever seen a person fight with. He fought it for three long years not just because he wanted to be with his family but because he didn’t want to die. He wanted to live and do so many more things, he crammed in many holidays and days out with me in his last year. He knew he was on a tight schedule his time was short. I was unaware just how short. I knew they couldn’t cure his cancer but he never told me he only had a year left to live in fear of hurting me, never letting it show when he was down. How could he? It would have destroyed me... because he knew deep down inside him, he was losing the battle. He was dying.
Looking back watching my Dad endure such a struggle is so heartbreaking for me, even to this moment when writing about my Dad my heart feels like a part has been torn away, nothing will ever mend it. My tears are blinding me with the thought that my Dad can’t be here to wipe them away and hug me tight reassuring me everything will be okay like he always did...Oh how I miss him dearly. In all that time he never complained about this horrendous thief called Cancer that robbed him and us of a strong, selfless and humble man. His first cancer treatment was when he had to get a tumour the size of a tennis ball surgically removed from the right side of his body. He attended hospital faithfully enduring many poisonous Chemotherapy treatments that destroyed his immune system; he also went to numerous sessions of Radiotherapy. All in the hope that it would buy him more precious time.
He was a one in a million (not just because he was my dad) because of the type of cancer he was living and fighting with, which was called pleomorphic liposarcoma. It is a very rare cancer which only affects one in a million people, it makes my heart crumble into pieces, makes my hair on the back of my arms stand up straight. My throat tightens with lumps of pain and my stomach churns with sadness as I think why my Father? He didn’t do anything wrong, he only ever wanted to help people and be happy. Why could it not be one of these murders?
Time is precious and not to be taken for granted, abused and wasted. It is the chance to make memories that will be trapped in your heart forever; unfortunately I feel I only had a short time to be with my Dad. I am angry at him for leaving me although I know it wasn’t his fault, I often listen to other people’s bad mouthing and complaining about their fathers which stirs up mixed emotions in me. I hold back tears while praying for just one more day one more hug. If only they knew how it would feel to lose their Dad, would they be saying these things! There are no medicines in the world that will cure how I feel; there is nothing that will fill the empty space in my heart now that he’s gone. He was the first man in my life, my hero and a role model who taught me right from wrong, showed me how to be a strong caring person, taught me hundreds of things that I will never forget. I adored and loved him and was hoping that that one day he was going to be the man who would have gave me away to the new…