1. Taking responsibility for certain tasks.
2. Knowing what our job is and what isnt.
3. Confusion of responsibility and ownership in out lives is a problem of boundaries
Definition of boundaries
Helps us define what is ours and what is not ours and what we are responsible for and what we aren't. Shows me where I end and someone else begins, leads me to a sense of ownership.
Origin of boundaries
Concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God as a distinct, separate being, and he is responsible for himself.
Needs of adult children:
Need time away, need to spend some time building boundaries against old ways and create new ways
Boundaries and consequences:
Consequences let people know the seriousness of the trespass and the seriousness of our respect for ourselves.
Boundaries and God:
We are to have boundaries because God himself has boundaries
characteristics of emotions:
1. Should neither be ignored, nor placed in charge
.2 'own" your feelings and be aware of them.
3. Can tell you the state of your relationships
What boundaries keep in and out:
Keep out evil, unrepented people, let people be who they are, but dont let them push your boundaries out of your bubble
establishing boundaries for thinking:
We must own out own thoughts, we must grow in knowledge and expand out minds, we must also clarify distorted thinking.
Our most basic need in life:
To love and be loved
How we treat things we value we often do not take responsibility for what we value because we are caught valuing the approval of man, rather than the approval of God.
Common problems that characterize avoidant individuals
Saying know to the good, inability to ask for help, withdraw when they are in need.
types and characterizations of boundary problems
Compliant- feels guilty
Controller- aggressively violates boundaries
Nonresponsive- sets boundaries against responsibility to love
Avoidant- Sets boundaries against recieving care of others.
Definition of functional boundaries refers to a persons ability to complete a task.
Definition of relational boundaries refers to the ability to speak truth to others whom we are in a relationship with
What controllers seek they look for someone to carry their individual responsibilities, and they use various means to motivate others to carry the load that God wants to be their own.
Boundary issues exhibited by controllers aggressive controllers: dont listen to others boundaries
Manipulative controllers: try to persuade people out of their boundaries
Stages of boundary building
Separation- the construction of a soul
Hatching-"mommy and me arent the same"
Practicing- "I can do anything"
Rapproachement- "I cant do anything"
Boundary injuries- what goes wrong
How children perceive parental withdrawal
"when im good, I am loved. When Im bad, i am cut off."
Parental tasks associated with the word "no" needs to help their child feel safe enough to say no, thereby encouraging his/her boundaries. also help the child to respect others boundaries
Hostility against boundaries parents become angry at the childs attempts at separating from him or her. when its met with