In the first place, the circumstances surrounding the death of a child also greatly affect how parents and survivors grieve. Research has shown that when the death is traumatic or when the parents witness the death or find the body of their child, they are likely to be more traumatized by the experience, become obsessed with the death, and replay the events over and over in their heads. Conversely, if the parents do not see the body of the deceased of if the child disappears, as in child abduction; they are likely to stay in a state of denial and disbelief for a longer period of time. Meek, W. (2007) In addition, if a child is sick for a period of time, the family has time to come to terms with the idea of losing the child. They experience anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is also seen in terminally ill patients. It is a time of mourning and preparing for a loss before it happens. When the loss is sudden or unexpected, the families are left in a state of shock and disbelief even greater than that which is normally expected. People regret they had no time for goodbyes. They are unprepared, although nothing could actually prepare them for the feelings they will experience. The naturalness of the death therefore also affects people’s grief. Suicides, murders, and accidents are especially difficult for the families to process.
Likewise, the age of the child at the time of death also affects grieving. It is a mistake to assume that someone is less attached to an infant than they are to an older child. Miscarriages, stillbirths, and abortions all carry their own extremely painful emotions. They are emotions loaded by societal expectations, expectations of the carrying mother, and the pain of losing a child before it begins its life. Oftentimes, in cases of abortion, extreme feelings of anger as in the case of rape and guilt are present. Women who experience miscarriages and stillbirths are overwhelmed with disappointment and guilt, even when they know it is not their fault, or they may feel their partner is blaming them for the child’s death.
Generally, there are other important factors that affect the grieving process are individual to the griever. How has the person handled traumatic experiences in the past? Have there been other grief experiences in the person’s life? Other factors affect grief levels and the families coping abilities, which include: age, gender, cultural background, spirituality, support system, and family history. Additionally, each person’s commonly has a different grieving style and timing for dealing with grief, known as incongruent grieving. Some people expect that grief should be resolved over a specific time, such as a year, but this is not true. The initial severe reactions are not experienced continuously with such intensity rather periods of intense grief come and go over a period of 18 months or more. Over time, waves of grief gradually become less intense and less frequent, but feelings of sadness and loss will likely always remain. Developmental milestones in the lives of other children can trigger emotions of grief even years after a child's death. Significant days such as graduations, weddings, or the first day of a new school year are common grief triggers. Families frequently find themselves thinking about how old their loved one would be or what he or she would look like or be doing if he or she were still alive. As a Result, I have had my own personal grief going on I know it is not easy. I am still dealing with it but