April 18, 2012
-don’t use contraptions (ex. It’s, can’t) instead use cannot, it is, etc.
-you have a lot of repetitions, I fixed most of it but read over just in case.
-you are shifting tenses, some are “is” and some are “was”, correct me if I’m wrong if I put on the wrong “is” or “was” but pay more attention to them as you read your essay over again.
-I also put in suggestions (they are indicated)
-Red font is used when I changed something, highlighted means re-phrase b/c and or it makes no sense, green is re-phrase that sentence, and underlined red font are just comments I made to the things you wrote.
***TELL ME IF YOU NEED ME TO EDIT AGAIN OR HAVE THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND OF MY CORRECTIONS****
The significance of the Canadarm (Shuttle Remote Manipulator System) to Canadian history is its outstanding performance, showing Canada’s scientific knowledge and marking its close collaboration with NASA. It was able to solve problems such as how to move objects around in space, save money, and encouraged the next generation of scientists and engineers achieve new technologies
In the race for space, the Russians were the first to enter space, the second was the United States, and Canada came in third. Canada reached space on September 28, 2012. The Canadarm was in space before Canada launched the challenger space shuttle. NASA hesitated when it came to the question of whether they should trust the Canadian engineering team with the critical job of composing the Canadarm. This 15 metre long space arm reached space attached to the space shuttle: Columbia (Space Transport System – 2) in November 13, 1981 (U.S.). The Canadians’ insisted on having their (suggestion: or ‘its logo…”) logo displayed on the Canadarm despite the lack of enthusiasm of the idea from the Americans.
The Canadarm’s outstanding performance has noted its close collaboration with NASA because it was able to solve problems such as moving things around in space, capturing and repairing satellites, and moving or positioning astronauts, saving satellite owners millions of dollars. The Canadarm’s The flexibility and the sensitivity of the Canadarm allows it to do simple but miniature tasks such as moving a payload (cargo on the space shuttle) while it is free-flying . The Canadarm was able to move small distances at a time, in space, allowing it to do small detailed jobs. This solved many of our problems since astronauts no longer had to be sent out (only a suggestion) into space to retrieve or complete these small tasks each time when they are needed, saving on costly expenses.
This outstanding space contraption (correct me if I’m wrong to use “contraption”) was able to achieve all purposes it was designed for. The Canadarm was created to accomplish at least 100 missions and live a minimum life of 10 years which (consider re-phrasing this part of the sentence [the part of sentence in green], it does not make a lot of sense) was over exceeded by 20 more years, completing 30 years of impeccable performances giving itself a memorable reputation . Its main goal was to move cargo and satellites. Some of the (suggestion: maybe instead of ‘unexpected’ maybe use “surprising”) unexpected and useful tasks it did were knocking ice off a blocked waste-water vent, shifting a misplaced antenna back to into place, and activating a satellite that had not gone according to its orbit. The Canadarm did not malfunction once during…