AP Lang- 6
3 December 2014
How to Go Broke Money is something that capitalist America can either be achieved or ascribed. This currency in the form of green paper is seen as the Holy Grail within most households, and is considered the ultimate prize for the average worker. Although seemingly difficult, the loss of money is one of the easiest things to do in this proud country, and with the right amount of help within 3 simple steps, can be brought about almost instantly and without effort.
Step 1: get a hobby. The idea of “getting a hobby” is an insidious scheme by marketers to steal your money away from more important things. Hobbies are thought of by many to bring about relief from the stresses of life and to maintain something you enjoy- although this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Hobbies steal your money from you by suggesting you “enjoy” spending money on something; when in fact, there is no such thing as enjoying spending money. This surreptitious fact is what drives many to lose money and go horribly broke. Finding a hobby is easy and comes without thought. The objective is to find a material interest, such as a collection to invest your precious dollar in to create sentiment within this material. This action, and the process of this action, can lose dollars in some cases in the millions.
Step 2: go to college. More than anything that colleges love to do, it’s to make money. Colleges are the ultimate con-artists. With crippling tuition rates and increasing student loans, colleges seem to be one of the easiest ways to go broke in America. College is an excellent and swiftly decisive method to lose all your money- and quick. In fact, most college educations only last about 4 years. That’s not much time to lose all that money. Getting into college, however, seems to be the more difficult task. But thankfully the most reliable source to gain access to anything relatively exclusive is money in itself. If a college is aware you are trying to gain access to their grounds with the intent to spend, you will be welcomely invited.
Step 3: the last, but most effective, step in losing all your money- is getting a girlfriend. Girlfriends are