Dear Customer: The lawn mower you just purchased was designed with ultimate precision and care. You are about to use a mower designed for professional lawn mowing facilities and individuals with experience in the fields of gardening, agriculture, floral design, architecture, mechanical engineering, and most importantly the field of art science. If you lack the knowledge and experience listed above then continue reading, if not then there is no reason for you to be reading the instruction sheet and you should consider putting it away. For those of you still reading you must follow all instructions directly and pay close attention to each one. In order for this instructional outline to be of the greatest value to you, you must read it giving your full attention to every aspect of the mower operating process.
The mower you have just purchased is a top of the line, ultra sharp, ultra quiet, ultra high-powered model. This mower is unsafe without proper knowledge of the machine and it’s accessories. If you attempt to use this mower without reading the instruction sheet first, serious injury or death may occur. Always remember to use proper safety precautions before beginning the mowing process. Proper safety precautions include wearing eye goggles, protective gloves, denim pants down to the ankle, and thick-toed shoes. You must remain at least three feet away from the mower blades at all times and you must oil the motor once, before the first use, and again every six months, in order to ensure that the mower runs smoothly and properly.
To oil the motor you must first flip the mower upside down. This, at first, may seem inconvenient and uncomfortable, but rest assured you are very safe as long as you remain at a distance of three feet from the blades at all times. Once you have your mower flipped you must drop seventeen individual drops of oil onto the axle, while still remaining a safe distance of at least three feet from the mower blades. Once all seventeen drops of oil have safely made it from your provided oil dropper into the mower’s axle, you may flip your mower back into the upright position. Keep in mind that while flipping your mower back into the upright position, you must also remain a safe distance of at least three feet from the mower blades.
Once your mower is oiled and ready to run you must check the gas chamber for excess or minute amounts of gas. The “max fill” line is located one inch below the brim of your gas chamber. It is recommended that you fill your gas tank roughly ½ inch below the “max fill” line, in order to ensure the safety of you, your family, your generation, and your world. After the gas tank is filled to ½ inch below the “max fill” line you are ready to turn on your mower. To turn on your mower you must first find the “fuel injection” button located at the front of the mower. Press this button three to five times and wait fifteen seconds. Once you have waited fifteen seconds for your fuel to be…