September 23, 2013
“The Past That Mirrors Your Future”
I was born and lived in Honolulu Hawaii for three years. Which is a place where everyone envies me for living there, but for me, it was just the place where bad events began to change my family’s lives forever. There were many significant points in my life that have created who I am today; every little single moment in my life added up in addition to one moment in particular. This particular moment helped me finally realize something very important about myself that needed a change. Whenever times got tough in my life, I would think back to this moment. After replaying it in my head I would remember what I told myself that night; it would help me move on because I know how strong of an individual I can be. Everything that has happened in my life, either good or bad is somehow connected to that one moment.
When I was three years old, I remember sitting on my mom's lap and my sister, Alisha; who is three years older than I am, was seated beside us. Being so young, I cannot recall how my mother began to break down the tragic news to two such vulnerable toddlers who would not understand such nonsense. “Girl’s, you need to know that you father is going to be away, away for a long time.” I innocently assumed he was going back to work, as he was always away for long periods of time because of the fact he had been in the military. I questioned as to why she had to sit us down to explain to us so seriously; with a face that showed, inside of her has been broken to pieces; that he would be away at work? She never had to explain it to us like this before? The first of what seems like a millions questions had begun. Later on when I was old enough to know, I found out my father had gone to jail for sexually harassing my older sister Ellen. Due to this unfortunate occurrence, we had to move from Hawaii across the United States, to little old Rhode Island. Out of all places, we moved too Rhode Island because my mother’s side of the family all lived there. While growing up not knowing what had happened to my father, I gradually grew to realize that I'll never have that father figure in my life like every other “normal” child. I had been lied to so many times about so many things, but to this day I have figured everything out. I watched my mom focus on a lot of work and numerous boyfriends, not paying attention to what really mattered, her children. So I was left there to take of myself most days. I would take care of myself to the best of my ability. Some days it was hard and it would sadden me because not having a father in my life changed how I grew up so much. It caused my mom to be at work a lot, leaving me and my sister’s home alone. We all did not get along that well so we were all on our own to take care of our self’s. It was only when times got really hard for all of us we would stick together to get through whatever it was. December 25, 2006, Christmas morning; every year we would set up our living room in various ways, for our mission was to try to make our Christmas tree fit into our small home. One single cushioned chair at the center of the back wall that ran along into the kitchen. A long three cushioned couch that sat on the border line of the living room and kitchen, faced apart from a two person love seat. As every year before, we wake up as early as possible, just to hear our mother tell us “I just woke up, let me finish a cup of coffee to wake myself up a bit” The similar groan coming out of our early morning voices, because we knew it took her almost an hour just to drink one cup of coffee. While waiting we began to go through the presents one by one; it is a tradition for my mother to write our names the smallest she possibly could, searching through the maze of repeated designs on the gift wrapping, we finally had all our presents separated from one another in piles ready to be torn to shreds, as if our