Directions: Choose one passage (200-250 words) of your narrative essay to rewrite, adding descriptive language and sensory details wherever possible. Highlight your revisions. Submissions without highlighting will be returned for revisions.
Original- Life was hard for Montresor, growing up in a small town in Italy, he was the outcast of his family, and his father always wished for a better, stronger, smarter son he thought Montresor was a curse. Montresor never had many friends, he was bullied, put down, and always looking for a way out. Until one day he met a guy named Fortunato at a local carnival, Fortunato was extremely nice to Montresor, they went on rides together, and they played games and ate snacks together. After that night at the…show more content… Everyday Montresor felt like he had no purpose, like he was nothing. Montresor never had many friends, he was bullied, put down, and always looking for a way out. Until one day he met a guy named Fortunato at a local carnival, Fortunato was extremely nice to Montresor, they went on rides together, and they played games and ate snacks together. After that night at the carnival they became best friends, you can feel the excitement when Montresor goes to hang out with Fortunato, as if he really has a true friend. They began doing everything together. Montresor invited Fortunato over for dinner with his family one evening, Fortunato agreed. Fortunato arrived “you have a beautiful house” He says to Montresor’s father. Dinner starts out well for Montresor, until his father began having too much to drink and started to pick on Montresor. “You are such a great boy Fortunato, I wish I had a son like you unlike this runt sitting across from me” Montresor’s father says. Montresor begins to break “I hate you dad” Montresor says as he storms off, all you hear for hours is Montresor weeping in tears after his father’s treatment. Fortunato does not follow, he sits there and continues to eat with Montresor’s father. A few hours later Fortunato sees Montresor outside
