Once upon a time, a blonde psychology graduate went power walking through the Kirribilli looking at the houses she dreamed she would live in. She had chosen to study psychology after being harassed about her hair colour and body shape in high school. The kids had nicknamed her Goldilocks.
Well into her brisk body sculpting cardio and fat burning walk, she spied a mansion which reminded her of her ultimate dream home that she had seen yesterday in House Rules. Goldilocks stood and stared and then walked up to the massive American carved oak and Blackbutt inlaid door and pulled the gothic brass doorbell. She called out for people but no one answered. She crept right on in and decided to rest her legs whilst admiring the stunning modernist interior designs of the house. Goldie thumped down on the first chair, which was much too soft and much too high. There were two other chairs and remembering the fairy tail from her childhood she assumed the second would be too hard and she strutted straight past it to plonk her arse onto the one that looked just right. The chair groaned beneath her and buckled at the legs. With a thud Goldilocks knew she would have a bruise on her buttocks tomorrow.
Goldie wandered into the kitchen looking for some high energy, high sugar snacks- but all she could find was cupboards full of whole grains and vegetarian alternatives. Three bowls sat upon the table – full of a strange glutinous slop that looked far too healthy to taste good. She passed these up.
Goldie sauntered upstairs. She shuffled into the bedchambers. Her jaw dropped in déjà vu. It was precisely how she imagined her dream house to look like from House Rules. From all of this excitement, Goldie became weary and needed to rest for her high cholesterol problem and gluten intolerance meant she had limited energy reserves. She laid down on the first bed which was way too hard. Again remembering the fairy tail from her childhood she assumed the second bed would be way too small. The third bed was perfect. Within seconds she was gracefully snoring on the very comfortable bed in a negligent coma.
The owners, a well-to-do family, wandered in to find the door to their house wide open. Mr Bearridge discovered a notepad and pen with what looked like chaotic floor plans of their house scrawled out, on his chair. Mrs Bearridge discovered a dint in her chair whilst Child Bearridge discovered her chair was broken. The Bearridge family searched around in detestation some more. Mrs Bearridge meandered over to their healthy chia and protein porridge and gasped. She was relieved it hadn’t been touched since it was their favourite family meal. Mr Bearridge made his way cautiously upstairs. Mrs Bearridge followed signalling for Child Bearridge to stay below but she ignored her request and followed her upstairs anyway.
Mr Bearridge observed his blankets twisted in his sheets. Mrs Bearridge detected her pillow had moved and inch. Child Bearridge gasped when he saw what looked like a whale with blonde hair in his bead.
Goldilocks woke up to three startled faces. She quickly righted herself and apologized to the residents for her intrusion,…