10 September 2013 My Serenity
I walked out of the vets office, tears rolling down my face as the veterinarians just stood with a look of sadness and silence in the air. They acted as if they had never seen a pet owner upset before. I walked up to my car and just stood by it as my mom came out a little later. Her eyes were as read as mine. She came up to me and hugged me. She asked me, “You were so brave. Are you okay?” I replied, “No, but I will be. I will be at the dock.” She forced a sad smile and said okay. I hurriedly opened my door and sat in the driver’s seat and drove off.
Questions filled my head and my eyes once again drowned in a sea of tears. Why did she have to die? Couldn’t she have lived a little longer? Is there a way I could have prevented her death? These questions stirred and drove me crazy. I just needed to get to my boat dock; it’s the only place that makes me calm. It’s my only serenity. I finally arrived at my destination. I parked my car and jumped out. I walked up to the property where all you see is trees and overgrown grass. A house could never be built, considering it was built upon a swamp. I walked about 20 steps and step on the split wood that starts the dock. My body immediately relaxes. I started walking slowly down the 20 foot curved dock and look at my surroundings and saw all the nature I usually do when come here. There are trees on both sides of the dock for miles, water and mud covering the bottom layer of the ground, and little purple and yellow flowers growing randomly. I call it my “little forest”. I felt something light and stringy hit my face. I realized I had just walked into a spider web. I pulled frantically at my face and arm, stumbling to get them off. “Damn spiders”, I murmured in annoyance. I walked a little bit further until I reach the end of the little forest until I reach the starting line of the St. Johns River. I looked out at the sunset finally setting in over the horizon.
I sat at the end of the dock and let my mind wonder. I started thinking of my dog, Cheyenne, and when we first brought her home when she was a baby. She was so small and beautiful. I picked her up and stroked her glossy, black coat while her large eyes stared up at me. I loved her that moment and for the next eighteen years until that day.
My mind came back to reality and I lay down on the boat dock. I stared up and noticed a peach tint in the sky as the sun was still setting. My fingertips lightly brushed along the rough terrain of the wood planks; feeling every bump, nook, and cranny of the boards. I closed my eyes and breathed in and out slowly.
The feeling of the boards beneath my skin contrasted with the feeling of when I was scratching Cheyenne’s belly. When she was about eight, Cheyenne learned to roll over on her back when she was happy and learned to sleep like it too. Her belly was so big! I would just lie down on the floor with her and…