Reviewer: Megan Crosland
1.) The first paragraph grabs the readers attention by opening the essay with the writer talking about how everyone has a cell phone except for her. The writer doesn’t mention any clues what the essay will be about except for the use of cell phones, which is good. You don’t want the reader to know what the whole essay is about in just one paragraph.
2.) The thesis for this essay is to not use your cell phones while driving and how addicting they can be. The writer give statistics on the deaths caused by cell phone use.
3.) I think that paragraph eleven is one of the best for statistic and research wise. The writer gives an example of her mistake while also backing it up with accident statistics and how many use cell phones while driving.
4.) The second paragraph could use some work. The last sentence is basically just a quote. Instead of just ending the paragraph with a quote, try making it flow in with a sentence.
5.) I really like paragraph three how descriptive the writer is with what font style she uses and what color the writing is. It really gives you an image of what it looks like.
6.) I like how one paragraph will be for research and statistics and then the next paragraph will be more of a narrative, switching back and forth with the two. Although at some points it doesn’t seem to flow together like paragraphs four and five.
7.) I really like the conclusion for this essay. The