(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi there, Karen. My name is Jenny M., and I will be your tutor for this paper today. Let me first point out that one of the remarkable strengths that I noticed in your draft is the way you tried to establish the issue that you will talk about in this paper:
Statistics show how dropout rate is increasing as the years go by, with mostly all being upcoming sophomores and juniors leads a terrifying future for those who do.
Having this done will surely let your readers relate what the problem on dropout rate is. You did a magnificent job here, Karen.
First, I suggest that you create a thesis statement that will carry the points of your body paragraphs, which must also be based on your assignment description. In writing one, you should have a claim that can be explained by one or several supporting ideas.
Based on your assignment, it was stated that you need to write about the causes of high school drop outs. I see that you have shared real stories of some people you know here. Now, how will you identify the reasons behind their decision of dropping out from school?