(The Secret to Love That Lasts)
By Dr. Gary Chapman
Professor Randall Murphy
Before I start to write about the main ideas of this book, first, I would like to acknowledge my reason for picking this specific book. The wonderful Professor Randall Murphy asked that we select a self-help book and critique it. I thought of so many things that I could focus on for the purpose of self-help-for me personally. Nevertheless, I decided since I have always had a real issue with the black men in my life, that it was only fair that I select a book that could help me and at the same time help me to perhaps understand my husband (the black man) for the sake of our marriage. This book does appeal to the intended audience- -married couples, engaged couples and couples who are looking for a quick-fix book to revitalize their relationship and keep the love alive for years ahead. Here is the foundation of Dr Gary Chapman’s book: We all have a “love tank” just like a car’s gas tank, can be full, empty or somewhere in in the middle. Our tank is full when our partner is validating their love in the language that speaks preeminent to us. Our love tank is empty when we do not feel loved because our spouse is not displaying love or our spouse is not showing love in a way that we can receive and sense, this is an indication that our spouse is not speaking our “love language.”
According to Dr. Chapman, there are 5 languages of love: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical contact, and quality time. Well, perhaps you are looking for a sixth love language, which includes all of the above, right? Dr. Chapman declares that though we may enjoy experiencing these lexes of love, there is generally one that we primarily prefer. In actual fact, it is frequently the way we express our peculiar love to others. Nevertheless, if your spouse sees it as love when you help around the house and you are trying to exhibit it sexually, be very careful because the love tank is sure to spring a leak.
Our wonderful Professor Randall Murphy also asked that we state to what extent that Dr. Gary Chapman is objective in this book. In addition to having over thirty years of experience in Marriage Counseling, Dr. Chapman uses many real life samples to further prove this theory of how when spouses know their love language and the love language of their spouse; they could perhaps keep love alive and make it last. Throughout his years of researching, surveying and experimenting using married couples as his cases. He worked with couples who had great marriages as well as couples whose marriage were barely surviving. He worked with couples from all walks of life and in just about every situation the couple’s marriage or relationships improved even to a greater level or were able to be salvaged.
I read an article where Dr Chapman talked to world renowned Oprah Winfrey about his New York Times best-selling book (The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts). Together, they deliberate on the languages of love. It is through their conversing that Ms. Winfrey learns her love language, which Dr. Chapman elucidates to her how knowing the love language that your partner, spouse, fiancé, and significant other speaks can tremendously transform your relationship and take it to its highest potential. I did a bit of searching via the internet and found several reviews from couples across the country who spoke of how the concept of Dr. Chapman’s book brought their marriages back from the brink of a divorce. In addition, The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck is one of Dr. Gary Chapman's biggest fans; she explained how reading the book of 5 Love Languages changed her marriage (catalog.spl.org). Again, in following the instructions of my great Professor Randall Murphy, I must explain to what extent Dr. Chapman is subjective in his book. Word to the wise, this book is a bit Christian oriented, but