January 28 2013
Should a conflictive marriage be salvaged for children?
Staying married for the children’ sake is an internal conflict, between whether to do it or not, which often has to deal with couples who want to divorce. It is a reality that divorce is a difficult and very painful situation for the couple, but it is likely worse for the children. Statistically speaking, the number of children affected by divorce since 1951 until 1979 has increased significantly year after year. According to the Bureau of the Census, from 1990 to 2007 four of every 10 first-time marriages ended in divorce. When adults get divorced, they lose a relationship, their dreams, their identity as a family and couple, and in some cases friends as well. Their economic lives, work and daily activities are affected. Generally, adults who are divorced suffer and feel trapped in emotional chaos. Similarly, children will lose physical or emotional closeness with one or both parents, their identity as a family and emotional stability. It also affects their daily lives, their routines and sometimes their emotional life may seem is out of control. However, there is a big difference between the way children and adults deal with divorce. Parents have more resources with which to overcome the situation, whereas children at a young age are not mature enough yet to face the consequences of their parents' divorce. When the happiness of the children relies on the parents, they definitely have to sacrifice personal happiness for the welfare of their children. Often parents stay together just for the kids, for the proper psychological development of children, it is recommended that parents save their marriage. Notwithstanding, parents should divorce because staying in a failed marriage is emotionally, physically and mentally unhealthy for both spouses and their children. Alpha
In most situations, if spouses maintaining a fractured marriage causes children to experience confusion, pain and frustration. Under those circumstances, divorce can be beneficial for them. According to Dr. Ruth Peters, Clinical Psychologist, who specialized in treating children, suggested that, “Many bickering couples stay with each other just to keep the family intact. But are you helping or hurting your children?” (Peters). Parents should be role models for their children; if children are witnessing constant fights and arguments that can lead to abuse, as adults, they will seek to maintain a relationship similar to that of their parents. Moreover, Judith Wallersteing, author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, states that “Keeping the family intact is of such importance that, even if unhappy or lonely, parents who are able to remain civil provide a better option than divorce” (Wallerstein 39). Yet, does it make sense to keep the marriage relationship, when they do not love their partner? Keeping a relationship without love can cause damage to short and long term to both parties and the children of both, for instance, loneliness, depression, and culpability. Therefore, the idea that parents with troubled marriages should stay together for the children’s sake is not beneficial for them.
When parents are unhappy together, regardless of the reason, they should not salvage their marriage. For instance, if love only exists in one spouse the marriage should not be maintained. This can lead to unhappy couples and resentful children. Evidently, the separation of parents will have an impact on children lives, but it is moral obligation to minimize this impact. Divorce or separation of parents can have a significant impact on children’s emotional type, even for life. Oftentimes, it is difficult for children to fully accept their parents’ divorce. Therefore, a sense of emotional emptiness and sadness persist in them. Part of this sadness comes from the fact that their two most loved ones no longer live together. Whereas, if parents fight frequently and the passion of