Morning-room in Algernons flat in Half-Moon Street.
The room looks vacant and unoccupied. [Lane is locking up until the door knocks, Algernon appears irritated by this knock.] [Enter Lane] Lane: Lady Bracknell and Gwendolen sir. [Enter Lady Bracknell and Gwendolen. Lane goes out.] Algernon [sarcastically]: My dearest Aunt and little cousin, you both have the tendency to anoint me with your presence at the most suitable times. Lady Bracknell: But Algy, every time a special event of mine presents itself you have a habit to mysteriously disappear. So I’m here to give you sufficient notice about my pending charitable event to save the Beacon Park in Chelsea. Recently, it has suffered an outrageous outbreak of squirrels that have been attacking the native vegetation. [Lady Bracknell slowly gets up whilst Gwendolen follows her with purposelessness and Algernon runs to get her cape with urgency.] Algernon: I cannot promise anything Aunt Augusta but I will make sure death is not knocking at my uncle’s door that weekend. [Algernon ponders the thought of his cousin being a mere shadow of his aunt.] [Exit Lady Bracknell and Gwendolen] [Algernon sets off in his carriage and decides his bunburying will take place in Norfolk as he has heard of a shoot (or a fashion) taking place in Blenheim Wood and has not visited the area for a good year.] SCENE
Norfolk, Grand Hotel [Algernon arrives late at night and checks into a luxurious hotel right on the coast. The Grand Hotel.] [Enter Algernon] Hotelier [content]: Mr. Moncrieff, what a delight to have you here again, you made quite the impression on our guests during our comedy night held here sometime last January, we had never seen so much champagne consumed! [Algernon removes a cigarette from his fashionable case.] Algernon: One can only possibly really enjoy comedy accompanied with first-rate champagne, and before I forget, it wouldn’t be much aggravation for you to check if Lord Albert Reginald has checked into the Grand Hotel within the last year? Hotelier: Certainly Sir, I was not aware the two of you were acquainted despite your annual visits. Algernon: It is of no importance of whether we have been previously acquainted or not but if we shall be re-acquainted again. Hotelier: Of course sir. You will be pleased to hear that he in fact checked in yesterday, just in time for afternoon tea. Algernon: I am satisfied, although his arrival time outdoes mine. Tea time is quite a fashionable hour to arrive somewhere especially due to your extraordinary English breakfast tea and scones; it is some of the best I ever touched. Hotelier: Your room will be on the West wing sir, floor 2 room number 22. Algernon [Irritated]: West wing?! If I stand corrected the view of the coastline is on the East wing, I would have stayed in my own apartment if I wanted to see the view of a cluster of aimless middle classes seeking to gain upper class status and street beggars. Honestly! Hotelier: Apologies sir for the complete booking of the West wing, people must be seeking the same satisfaction as you. Perhaps you could arrange with Lord Albert Reginald to give you his room. After all, he took the last vacancy and he seems to be generous man. Algernon: Clearly you and Reginald have not been acquainted. I would describe him more as reckless, spoiled and overly-extravagant. Bit like myself I must add.
I will settle this later in the smoking room.
For now put me in a room a little less conventional. Actually, put me in the penthouse I can tell this bunburying will be a good one...I mean trip. Hotelier: Certainly sir. [Later on that same evening Algernon retires to the smoking room with a new necktie and matching buttonhole flower. He notices men playing bridge. He joins the group whom he is already familiar with who are drinking and smoking. Algernon orders one of the finest cigars on the menu and a…