MARVELLOUS MAFE Statement of intent …….. this paper will focus exclusively on the neurological signs and symptoms of autism in patients with coeliac disease.
1. Nowadays Celiac disease and autism have become two of the most pervasive disorders.
2. There is no apparent connection between them.
3. Nonetheless, some researchers declare that there is a clear evidence of a link between these two pathologies.
4. Researchers[1] claim that autistic children are more likely to have gastrointestinal (GI) symptoms such as constipation and abdominal distension (Buie 2013, p. 579).
5. But is THERE a link between gluten intolerance and THE neurological symptoms of autism? utism is a common neurological disorder seen in children usually before age three. 6. ´It has a prevalence of 1 in 88 children´(Buie 2013, p. 578) which is the twice of prevalence of Down syndrome (Santhanam 2012, p. 46). We want to practice paraphrasing – not copying “ “
The twice WRONG to use THE because it is an adjective, not a noun
He is twice as fat/tall/smart as his brother. = describing / adjective
TWICE AS XYZ AS ….
TWICE AS COMMON AS XXX
TWICE THE PREVALENCE RATE OF
PREVALENCE – HOW WIDESPREAD THE CONDITION IS GLOBALLY (E.G.)
INCIDENCE – HOW MANY CASES IN A GIVEN AREA (E.G. MELBOURNE)
7. According to buie (2013, p.578) the prevalence of autism is 1 in 88 children, which is double the prevalence rate of Down’s Syndrome (Santhanam 2012, p.46)
8. Despite all the RESEARCH to date, so far there is no established aetiology (AUSSIE – paediatric / AMERICAN – pediatrice BUT BOTH ARE OK) but hereditary factors seem to be linked to the development of this disease. Alt:
Research to date has been unable to establish the aetiology etc. IMPERSONAL Inspite of the research conducted to date, there is no established (there is not an established)
Despite the research conducted to date … 9. Usually, patients with autism have difficulties to establish a social interaction, communication and have characteristic repetitive movements especially with the head and upper limbs. Clear meaning but “long-winded” i.e. not concise
Your verb does not match both nouns –always check that the verb you have chosen matches ALL of the nouns you attach to it …
Example: The PCAs must wash the patient’s hair, face and teeth.
Wash hair OK
Wash face OK
Wash teeth NO CONCISE VERSION:
Some of the characteristics of autism include communication and social interaction difficulties and repetitive head and arm movements.
10. The protein present in cereals such as ABC[2] and wheat is called gluten (Lau et al. 2013, p.1). 11. Currently, ’gluten sensitivity´ better known as celiac disease has a higher prevalence. Gluten sensitivity is not the same as celiac disease but it can lead to celiac disease.
Better known as = same (BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME) 12. THAN WHAT????????????????? You must complete your comparison. 13. Buie (2013, p.578) DEFINES celiac disease as an autoimmune disease TO WHICH SOME INDIVIDUALS HAVE A GENETIC predisposition in which eating gluten products trigger an GI response. Consumption of gluten may trigger a GI response in patients genetically predisposed to celiac disease, which is an autoimmune disease. 14. The neurological symptoms may include irritability, depression, anxiety and insomnia.
15. Researchers such Santhanam (2012, p.46) affirm that there is a clear relationship between gastrointestinal symptoms, gluten sensiTIVITY and autism. REPETITION NOT NEW INFORMATION
PLEASE COUNT HOW MANY TIME YOU HAVE TOLD US (USING DIFFERENT WORDS) THAT THERE IS A LINK BETWEEN AUTISM AND GLUTEN SENSITIVITY
Studies by A, B C and D affirm that ………… GROUP ALL THE AUTHORS TOGETHER WHO HAVE THE SAME CONCLUSIONS
Moreover, A STUDY BY Maenner, Arneson, Levy et al. (2012, p.1)[3] illustrateS that THERE IS an increased risk for gastrointestinal disorders in
