This is an evaluation of the organization, clarity, tone, writing style and my reaction to the Riordan Manufacturing Inc. memorandum for China relocation.
The memo does not start off with a proper introduction. This can be fixed by rewording the introduction to state the reason for the memo more clearly.
The discussion section of the memo is hard to follow and does not itemize the increases in production. This can be fixed by stating the increase in volume from “this too this” and state the savings that have been shown. The discussion does not use short and concise sentences and has no effects to keep a readers interest. To fix this you could use graphs to show the production volume increase and the savings that could be had using the shipping companies. The use of situations was nice, but the sentence structure is long and uninviting to read. Suggestion is to use shorter more concise statements and shorter situations. The conclusion statement is too long and does not “thank” the people in the company nor does it give a directive action. The conclusion should be shortened and used to thank the people reading the memo or giving a directive action requiring the move by a certain time. The whole memo is too long and should be kept to one page. This will be accomplished by taking the suggestions listed above.
The memo is not very clear in its intent and should be changed starting with the introduction, by providing a clear intent to the content…