My competitors, Alexander Hamilton and Manuelito, are also in search of immortality. By this point I realize that a majority of you will want to elect them simply because they are not me, and it’s very understandable because of the horrible things I’ve done. But may I remind you that Alexander Hamilton cheated on his wife for three whole years (Smithsonian 7)? I loved my wife Eva. Moreover, contrary to popular belief, I did not kill her; she ingested cyanide so we could die together. Manuelito, my other opponent, is usually treated like a saint, but he is nothing of the sort. His tribe led rebellions against innocent settlers, which led to the murder and rape of many villagers (War 9).
