For the removal of the completely miserable and utterly useless inhabitants of the America in order to restore and preserve the past glory and legacy of the United States of the America - the greatest country that has existed, currently exists, or will ever exist.
By Hussain Naeem (January 29, 2015)
A truly great tragedy has befallen this country, clear to any who would simply take the slightest amount of time out of their otherwise extremely busy day to stroll the streets and strategically strong-arm society to solicit statements about the status of the sovereign sphere in which they settle. Upon hearing tell of these simpleton’s ludicrous responses, one would come to understand, as I have, the shockingly unpleasant state of our once outstanding nation. That is to say that the level of astuteness in the country has precipitously seemingly arbitrarily plunged attaining a new all time low.
The number of those who can truly help the country decays each year, the slow decline eventually leading to invasion and enslavement by foreign powers. This problem is not one that can be easily solved, since despite having access to immense mountains of information, only one in every thousand souls seeks to increase the prowess of their minds rather than let them dissipate like a snowball in hell. Gleaned from multiple surveys and polls, I estimate fifty percent of the population or one hundred and fifty million oafs in the great country of America, supported not by their own strength or the sweat off their backs, but the hard and never-ending labors of the academics.
I truly believe, however, that this phenomenon occurs merely as a stepping stone to strengthen the country as an entity. Therefore, after thinking long and arduously on this subject, I have derived quite a simple yet elegant solution to our present dilemma. We need only relocate those who burden our society to a secure location where, whether they wish to or not, they will be instilled with the values, morals, and skills required to perform the most rudimentary of tasks. Since those who know nothing can understand nothing, no time will be wasted on the education of the truly inept who will under no circumstances amount to anything ever. These savages, after undergoing a certain form of reeducation, will began to benefit society, cleaning the streets of trash, keeping lawns mowed, and other demeaning tasks fitting only one of their stature.
I therefore do most humbly offer my most elegant solution which utilizes those who burden us, leaching off society, to create a more intelligent America, one which can fulfill the its destiny and expand, stretching, as stated in the philosophy of Manifest Destiny, from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific. Not only would this unite the world under a single leader, thus ending all conflicts, but this would allow for the upliftment of all those who inhabit this world from that of an ignorant savage to one who is worthy of living in the American Empire. (Ethos)
Since there are more savages than we need, they will only require half the amount of food as a regular person. Furthermore, they would keep the world clean and cultivated, and in doing so raise a net profit of fifty million dollars a year, out of which only twenty million, and I am being extremely generous assuming the most possible workers, would need to be spent on nutriment and raiment to support these workers. Another twenty million in funds would need to be diverted to the operation and maintenance of the reeducation facilities. Even with these added expanses the state would receive a net benefit of ten million dollars yearly to be spent wherever