Critique: Counterargument and Paragraph Essay examples

Submitted By jaredy34
Words: 1031
Pages: 5

Essay 1: Technology in the Classroom

1. The author's thesis statement is that technology is a crucial convenience for the learning environment. In the introduction paragraph the author does not clarify exactly what type of “technology” he/she is referring to. This confused me because even later on throughout the argumentative essay it was very vague and still not defined. The author then mentions in the last sentence of paragraph 1 about “these issues” which are supposedly referring to issues mentioned before, yet no specific issues were clarified or even established pertaining to the topic. Also, in the last sentence of the first paragraph the author states “when the audience understands how important and crucial technology can be for learning, they will see that it's not a disturbance to one's learning ability, but a great convenience”. This use of preaching to the audience is very ineffective because the audience reading this paper should be informed on the topic and assuming that they need to “understand” is very ignorant and not scholarly or professional at all. Although this thesis could be great, it is very vague and there are no specific points clarified that he/she will be discussing throughout the paper. One way to revise this would be to list specific types of technology that will be covered in the argument paper in order to make this paper less broad.
2. The structure of the author's argument begins in his first paragraph by citing sources on how technology is needed in over 50% of careers in the future. In the first paragraph no counter arguments are suggested. In the second paragraph the author moves on to explaining how these “technologies” make learning easier by independence yet he/she does not list specific types of technology (very vague examples from sources). The author provides counter argument's in this paragraph yet I believe a better use of sources would be to have conducted studies involving specific types of technology. The third paragraph is very scattered and seems to be discussing why using technology is more creative and thought provoking rather than using a “pen and paper” yet the author fails to provide a distinct point of focus. One counterargument that could be utilized could be an experiment involving two groups of students. One group that uses learning programs on the computer and one that are given textbooks and each are given an equal amount of study time. Then test the students the following day to see who learned more/less and gather a conclusion from there.
3. The sources that the author uses throughout the argument essay seem to be credible except for one that was cited from “ehow” in the second paragraph near the bottom. One other problem I encountered was that in the first paragraph after the introduction the author only cites a source from the same author multiple times which is probably the reason for not having a counterargument in that paragraph. I liked how the author used his/her source in the second paragraph from “Yasar” and offered a counterexample after it. He/she then proceeded to cater to the opposing side by stating “Seeing as this argument makes sense, there are a few arguments one could make from it,” and then proceeded to explain ways in which it could be solved by technology in the classroom.

Essay 2: Science Budget Cuts

1. The author's thesis in the argument essay is that the United States government should increase funds to the science and research department. I believe that this thesis is very effective the only problem that I see would be the lack of defining specific key points that will be covered in the essay. One way to fix this would be to list specific points of interest in which the author is going to cover. While the author succeeds in establishing specific points in each paragraph following the introduction, this essay's effectiveness would increase by establishing those points before they are brought up. Revising the last sentence of the