Personal Theory Paper

Words: 4364
Pages: 18

Personal Theory Paper
In partial fulfillment of the assignment submitted to Dr. Max Mills
PACO 507 Theology and Spirituality in Counseling

Lynn C. Ball Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary
May 8, 2015 Abstract
I stumbled through the first thirty-eight years of life attempting to mask the hurts caused by myself and others. I was my own worst critic fueled by raging addictions and chaos; searching to find a perfection that could never be achieved. Life was a hurricane of madness and at the center of that storm was the Father waiting for me to give Him my whole heart. The purpose of this paper is to show through those who have been studied, the textbooks that have been read and my own opinions; the counseling methods and
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Harold C. Urschel III (2009) in his book Healing the Addicted Brain (p. 119). They are especially hard for the addict or alcoholic. You may be asking why. My earliest memories are those of binding shame. The shame I felt as a 5 year old child whose parents had divorced and made no time for her; the shame of a little girl lost and the shame of one who just wanted to be loved. “Shame is rooted in the lie that human beings can and should be perfect. And being perfect includes the “take anything” factor
(that is, endure any circumstance without feeling anything but “fine” and without behaving any way except “nice”). But because I am unable to be unfailingly fine and nice, I know I am imperfect…I don’t simply make a mistake, I believe I am a mistake” (Wilson, 2001, p. 17).
I believed I was worth less than others; which was reaffirmed by my mother who constantly reminded me of that I was never “good enough”. “Why can’t you be good?” she would scream every time we left my grandmother’s house? Sometimes, she spanked me and other times she stopped talking to me save for sending me to my room. Why couldn’t I be good? I had no idea what she meant; except that it provided this insane drive for perfection. So, how exactly did I cope as an imperfect person who believed I should be perfect? I became a self-protective perfectionist, approval addict, clueless as to what was going on inside me (Wilson, 2001, p. 20). ). It is true. I