As the notes filled my ears with wonder I could feel nothing more than the ecstasy I was in. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered. I could die right now and I would not care, the world became euphoric. At that time I could feel nothing more than the shadows that covered the beauty of my heart. But the music I heard inspired me in such a way that no one else could understand the way I felt or would ever feel. I was beautiful, the world was beautiful, and nothing else could possibly be as beautiful as the way I feel. Then world got quiet, I got quiet, and everything in me simply stopped. This is the first time I can say that I truly heard music.
It was on the day of our 5th grade trip and I all I can remember were tiny fragments except for the first moment I put on my headphones and pressed play on my yellow CD player, which after that became my pride and joy. The album playing was “By The Way” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers and each song became instantly imprinted into my memory after each lyric was sung and after the last song finished, I knew what was missing from my hollow life. It felt like it was a whole new world and I finally opened my eyes and just stepped into this fantasy wonderland and everything else around me lost its importance while I got lost in its trance.
It was a feeling that just took everything that was wrong, messed up, confusing, and painful inside of me and transformed it into something that I knew for the first time was right. The pain was still there but I found a way to just keep in check so that no one else would have to ask me these dreadful questions that butchered my ears and brought me so much pain every time I heard “Are you OK?” and “Do you wanna talk?” I knew that there was something wrong but to everyone else I just seemed like another quiet kid who just didn't have friends and maybe I was, I honestly don't even know. I felt as long as I had music to keep myself from the self-destruct button, that I would find some form of happiness no matter how little it was. Music to me wasn't just a form of relief, it was a way for me to express something anything maybe not to other people but to myself so that I knew I had some type of feeling and that I was even remotely normal. I clung to music as if it was this life raft and was the key for me to make it in this world and it worked. It kept me dry till