Testosterone and Women Essay

Submitted By mariaarianda
Words: 844
Pages: 4

Why the way of communication affects the relationship between men and women.

The issue of why women and men are prone to argue with each other is something that has integrated me for as long as I recall. The connection between them is essential, particularly when they live together. Some people believe that men and women get along; others say “men and women are two peas in a pod”. Are they actually on good terms? It sounds good; however, there are three main different reasons why conflicts arise when men and women communicate; one of them is the use of the language, another one is different approaches in facing problems and the last one is the biological evidence. The primary cause of conflict between men and woman is the use of the language to negotiate. The way that women use the language is different compared to men. Women use language in order to gain confidence and trust. They try to cultivate enduring friendships based on the intimacy. In fact, when women are together, they usually like being updated with their friends (“So how did the date go with that and that?” “Did you ever discover that gift for your young man?”). Tannen in the article “Sex, Sight, and Conversation Why Men and Women Can’t Communicate“ points out that “It is the telling of secrets that makes them best friends. They learn to use language to negotiate intimacy” (212). In contrast, the main purpose of men when they use language is to negotiate their position. Men use it to negotiate with others and set up a hierarchical relationship in a group. For example, in some groups called “Fraternity” a key factor that men join a fraternity is for the leadership experience. It might increase their prestige and status. Tannen argues that since the main goal of men is to protect their autonomy and negotiate their status, men make use of the language in this way (212). So, these differences in the use of the language with different purposes can affect negatively the relationship between boys and girls. The second cause of conflict between men and woman is the different approaches in facing problems. Women deal with problems in a very different way than men. For the vast majority of girls, sharing a problem gives an opportunity to deepen, explore or build the relationship with the person they are talking with. For instance, Tannen illustrates this point by pointing out that “When a woman tells another woman about a problem, her friend typically explores the problem (“And then what did he say?” “What do you think you might do?”); expresses understanding (“I know how you feel”)” (212). Conversely, when men have a problem, they are more decisive in resolving it. For most of them, solving problems is a manner to demonstrate their competence. In many cases, when a couple is dressing up to go to a party, the woman is worried about what type of dress is more convenient; the woman picks up the first one; the man usually answers, “Yes, this is the best.” As a result, the woman gets mad because she needs add up all details. To illustrate this point, Tannen reports that when a man presents a direct solution to a trouble presented by a woman, she tosses it out with annoyance (212). Because women