Individual Writing Assignment: Email Scenarios.
The following presents the tasks to each email scenario in the assignment.
• Weaknesses: o The reason of the email is not clear. Would he like to do business or just get input about his work? We don’t know the purpose. o There is excessive detail in the email. The author lists almost every social network in the second paragraph. In the third one he explains too much about his website. o The author failed to introduce himself. In a network event you get to know many people. The recipient might not remember him. o The email has some spelling and grammar mistakes. The “I” pronoun should be capitalized. Commas should be used instead of slashes in the third paragraph and “supplements” is misspelled. The website link has also a mistype because fitness is with double “s”. o Some sentences are very long. The sentences at the beginning of the second and third paragraphs are almost 2 lines long. • New Email.
Note / Assumption: Because the main purpose is not clear, I will assume Michael Ryan is asking for feedback on his business.
Subject: Entrepreneurial Network Event - New contact.
It was great to meet you at the networking event last week. While we waited for a cab we chatted about you being the captain of a sports club. I was wondering if you could give me your input about my new business idea.
I will launch a new website and a new iPhone application in two weeks. The purpose is to link the health and fitness professionals with my business. The main products are the following:
• FITBIT. A small mobile fitness tracker.
• FitLine. Natural supplements.
• Audimas. Sport clothing.
The distribution channels are my e-commerce shop and my Facebook page (Michael Ryan Sports & Fitness Academy).
My website www.fitnessacademy.com will allow access to videos, photos, workout routines and more. If you would like to see the demo, please visit www.fitnessacademy.me and give me your comments.
I would like to stay in contact and perhaps start a future business relation.
Sports & Fitness Academy Scenario 2:
• Weaknesses: o The email includes spelling and grammar mistakes. The first sentence uses the word for in an unclear way. The second sentence includes both prepositions “in & on”. o The author uses jargons and acronyms such as “a bit” or “PR”. In a proper email this should be avoided. o Some sentences are long, unclear and even unnecessary. The last sentence in particular reflects this. It is not useful to specify those facts about the attendants. • New Email.
Subject: Sales Report Revision & New Meeting.
I want to thank you for sending the…